Gendah

Alright, so my past blogs covered the evil of capitalism, racism and general jerk-assism. Now we move on to being a lay-dee. So on Friday I went to a capoeira roda at a classmate's new yoga studio. To make a long, detailed, uncomfortable story short- the same people who were assholes to me were like on the extended asshole remix,

and one boy in particular made me feel like a useless piece of capo-crap. There is this tendancy of a few men in the group to have problems with women. Mind you, a woman runs our group, although capoeira is HEAVILY machismofied. This is a picture of my contre-mestere, Marisa. She's one of the few higher ranking women in capoeira in general and one of the VERY few in our group's 'father' group- Cordao de Ouro. It's not easy to be a woman in capoeira for about a bazillion different reasons. Sooo there are a few men (not the majority by any means- or else I wouldn't be in this group anymore...) who haven't figured out their relationships with women in this physical/martial art kind of way and most of these men have some sort of powerlessness in their lives outside of capoeira so they are like double retarded when it comes to dealing with females. Especially white, educated females who they can't kind of manage in a sexual way so they don't know what to do with themselves so they get mad NEGATIVE. Let's just say I put up with a lot of crap. I think I make an easy target in that I don't get all agressive yet I am willing to call people on their crap. I do think though in order to not let it overwhelm me I have to get a thicker skin. I care so much that people treat eachother well that when people treat me like crap it seems quadrouple compounded. Toughen up, Corryb.

And that night I had beers with Emily and some guy insisted on interrupting us and talking to us. He was very nice (and very drunk) and although we were friendly, we didn't want to be interrupted. Is it friendliness or arrogance or male privelige (or a combo, and add booze) that makes it okay somehow for this guy to think he could keep pestering us. And of course it often happens. There's the usual whistles in the street, etc. but the low level stuff, like friendliness with persistance or that "Smile !" command random male strangers will foist on you on the street that make me wonder if I'm jaded into thinking that all these types of guys are potential jerks or if it is actual jerky behavior. I guess you just have to go with the vibe?

And so- on Saturday I went to the Point with some of my girls and we sat and got sunburnt and chit-chatted. It went really well, although I had that tense feeling some times of waiting for someone to be done with what they were saying so that I could tell my story- that's a big alarm to me that I'm not listening well enough. And I've been getting better at listening. I just have to be super consious about it sometimes. Anyway, it was great until we went for beers after and the inevitable talk about cheating boyfriends took over and there was a lot of time spent bashing the women who the boyfriends cheated on and a kind of light forgiveness of the men themselves. It pisses me off... one of my friends just writes it off as 'boys are dogs- that's all you can expect from them, women should be loyal and know better because they're women...' and that seems like a dangerous place to fall into. It seems like those boys who are dogs would be happy to have a woman like her because she'll forgive their trespasses and then they can keep on trespassing- and she DOESN'T deserve anyone like that! I don't want to get brainwashed into thinking all men suck, and I really do understand how incredibly hard it is to see the bad things in someone you love and chuck them to the curb for it, but it seems counterproductive and straight up unhealthy to keep forgiving the dude and blame the woman, who sometimes may be clueless or believing what this boy is telling her because she's got no other version...

Jealousy is rough. Patriarchy is rougher.

Saturday I went to a party in one of those houses that used to be in a poorish 'hood and is now refurbified and condofied and yuppified. But the guy who owned it did good things for the world. It's a hard path to juggle, no? Sunday I went to free yoga. You have to love free yoga!
Yoga itself is interesting to me. I don't know too much about the spiritual part, but I feel the body part. Sometimes I just can't quiet myself or face myself enough to do a full class. It's weird. Sunday was GREAT though, not too hard, but I stretched all that nasty crap that's in my back and blissed OUT at the end when you do shivassanah (spelling?) /corpse pose. I went on a little corry mind trip, it feels so safe to space out in a room full of people after all that stretching together. There is power in physical peace together. I don't think about how bodies/physicality communicates enough... something to consider. Like I saw a photo of people doing yoga at a peace demonstration in San Fran and I thought "Oh, how Californian. How typical white lady." But I shouldn't be so quick to judge... about anything, I guess. Predjudice comes in all its various forms, neh?

Also watched a Cassavetes movie (my first) and had good conversations with various friends. Fruitful weekend, more green tea than beer (good job, Corry!). But I'm back at camp for a few more days and counting the days (and the dollar bills). Moving soon. Got yet another job with a n'hood group doing education stuff. Still in the works... let's see how I juggle that... I love all the comments I've been getting on the blog. Thanks for reading me. My brain needs some kind of refreshing inspiring rest that is productive. Does something like that exist? Can it be found in a extra spicy falafel? I hope so!
I leave you with an image of me looking like I am a Responsible Educator. I like how it looks like we are Learning and shit. Let's put this one in the catalog....