No Hamsters

This'll be a short one. Had a really really really long staff meeting this weekend and I realized that as an intern here I'm just on a stop on a path and that I'm not as dedicated or committed as the staff who have been working together en la lucha for years. I told everyone how great I felt doing concrete direct work with people, speaking tours and school groups but how much I really loathed all of the computer/office/marketing work of my job. And so I will be leaving after my speaking tour in March- which will be dope (both the leaving and the tour).

I do like this organization, and I have a respect for it now that I've gained a deeper understanding of how long and for what my coworkers have been doing- but once again I sit here and wonder What the hell am I doing with my life???

I've been thinking a lot of what I always think about (how to live autonomously, how can I live as an anti-capitalist, how to combat white supremacy, how much beer money do I have left...) and have been marinating a lot on what 'community' means. I've been searching for it for sure, but in trying to look back and figure out when I've had community in my life I feel like it's either been at school (college and grad school, that is) and it was kind of this forced, artificial community- which doesn't make it bad per se, it was just fabricated like. And then there was a while in capoeira where we were all really connected, training supportively as a group and hanging out socially a lot.... that lasted for a year or so and then kind of dissolved as organically as it was built. It makes me a little hopeful when I begin the despair of feeling lonely and community-less that it does and can happen and isn't always, in fact most often isn't, intentional.

Now I will sit and get all twisted up about the usual: what kind of job do I want? what are some of my dreams to work towards? when will all these boys notice how damn cute I am? Nothing too deep...

I was talking w/ my coworker today about what it meant to be an organizer and he said

the ability to mobilize people to participate in history

I love that. And I leave you with it... and a link to hot stuff.