Stress and Green Tea

Tour's over and we're famous. Well at least we made the Winona State University newspaper. Check out the journalistic fabulousness here. And now I'm struggling with a lot of stress. Honestly I feel somewhat post-traumatic. Not to be too dramatic, but the whole experience was exhausting and kind of alienating. I came back and felt like I didn't have anyone to share the experience with. I've been socially not reaching out as much as usual and I need to push myself. Extroverts need people in order to regenerate. It doesn't help that it's been snowing (!!! It's OCTOBER! That's not fair!). I rode my bike yesterday and it wasn't easy. I think I may be too much a wuss for this winter biking after all.

But it seems that all I'm doing is work right now. Haven't pushed myself to go to capoeira, haven't done much excercize besides the frozen bike ride and spent an inordinate amount of time in front of the computer stressing out. Having boss issues that my mother thinks I shouldn't elaborate on in my blog. Suffice it to say finding and being a good boss is difficult for anyone. A perfect job combines my politics with some really dope horizontal leadership. Hoping desperately to find that someday. But foucusing so much on work and not so much on myself has left me feeling exhausted and like my self confidence has taken a wee hiatus (to paraphrase an old friend). I'm not feeling supported at work or much in general, I get all self sufficient and then realize I'm not getting props anywhere and start wondering what's wrong with me.

We all need to feel the love every so often. Especially after or in the
middle of big challenges. Thank god for loving families and friends who make
that extra effort to reach for me when I'm too wrapped up to reach for
them.

I can't tell if it's a good or bad thing that I've gotten Netflix. I've been watching movies like they're going out of style. It's good stress relief, or stress avoidance anyway. Just watched the Wilco movie, I'm Trying To Break Your Heart. It was slow in a really nice way and made me just like them even more. They are so normal in so many ways... and make nice music. And I've been doing my schoolwork. This is definately a good think, except I feel like my brain never gets a break. I am doing all of this reading about the Zapatistas and La Otra and getting in deeper and deeper. Gustavo Esteva is my new hero right now. Click on his name to find a blog that I like that is all Zap all the time and has good links to some of Esteva's articles and info. I like when intellectuals lay stuff out plain as day and seem approachable. That's the key to organizing and connecting revolutionaries and activists.. when you get all territorial and stand offish and defensive something isn't working... it's not always easy to be wide open, especially if you have gotten hurt for it before, but ultimately taking that chance is what is going to connect us all....

Okay, just had way too much tea. Time to visit the washroom (Midwest speak).